Red Flag

 Why do we have to wait that someone dies to think about the hardships of living alone in older age in an hotel room?

In San Francisco nearly half (44%) of the 18,000 hotel room dwellers are over 65. While most studies underline that the majority of older hotel room dwellers are male, in San Francisco the majority of older SRO residents are surprisingly Asian and women. Unfortunately only a crisis raises some red flags, like the articles on the recent death of a 91-year-old woman (see below) in Chinatown.

Hopefully I will manage to realize one of my dreams: study older Chinese hotel room dwellers in San Francisco. I have a great application in my folder.  I want to break the myth that older Chinese are connected and self-sustaining. Bo, an 81-year old men living alone in a tiny room in the heart of Chinatown, opened my eyes to the hours spent alone in one of the busiest blocks in the city. Bo loves watching his DVDs of Chinese marches, his wife is in a nursing home, and his son is emotionally, culturally and geographically distant. Bo laughs when I ask whether it is true that in Chinatown everyone knows one another.
Then I ask:

E: Do you have friends?
B: Very little.
E: Can you tell me about them?
B: I don’t have any.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

SAN FRANCISCO–A tragedy happened in San Francisco’s Chinatown in mid-April. Yee-Shui Mar, age 91, fell from a window in her apartment building.

The Chinese-language newspaper Sing Tao Daily reported that Mar, who was from Taishan City in Guangdong province, lived alone. She had a married daughter and grandchildren living elsewhere.

Mar’s neighbors told Sing Tao that she seemed healthy and often went out by herself without her home care assistant. A parking-lot security guard who witnessed Mar’s fall said he assumed she accidentally fell when she tried to hang up clothes from her window.

And a San Francisco medical examiner said they are still investigating Mar’s case to determine what happened.

Mar’s death deepens the fears of many Chinatown elders. Most low-income seniors living there alone worry that they are in unsafe living conditions. Some are concerned that living alone puts them in a dangerous situation.

In-Home Support Not Always Enough

Mar, like many low-income seniors and people with disabilities, had the help of a home care aide through Medi-Cal’s In Home Supportive Service (IHSS) program. But even though the aides check in to see how they are—many elders still worry that the help may not meet their needs. Unfortunately, the state has reduced IHSS services for many vulnerable people because of the budget crisis.

In addition, isolated seniors who are not experiencing health issues or home-safety concerns, may slip into depression, which, if left untreated, may lead to serious mental or physical health problems.

Soong-Kwong Yu, 91, emigrated from Guangdong to the United States 30 years ago. Yu’s family, including his wife and three children, all live in the Bay Area. “I know living alone can be a high risk, but I have no other choice. I came here to reunite with my family but, ironically, they did not treat me well when I came. They kicked me out because I earned too little money,” Yu said.

Yu has lived in a small room of an old Chinatown building since 1979. He receives 50-60 hours of home assistance from IHSS every month. IHSS beneficiaries saw reductions in hours in 2010-20l1, and a federal judge has blocked a plan by the State of California to slash hours by an additional 20 percent in 2011-12.

The program’s social providers would check in with Yu twice a day and help prepare food for him sometimes. However, Yu still has difficulty preparing his own meals. He used to cook with an electrical hot plate, but it triggered the fire alarm several times, Yu said.

He added, “Security told me that tenants are not allowed to use electrical devices in this building. If I do not follow the rules then I will be kicked out. Therefore, I now only use a microwave, although I’m not familiar with using it.”

Falls Are Biggest Concern

Yu’s biggest concern at home is falling, a major worry for seniors nationwide.

“Walking is a tough thing for me. It takes me 20 minutes even just to walk one block,” Yu said.

Moreover, he said, “Many of my friends remained healthy in their 80s or 90s, until they died from a fall. I’m worried the same thing will happen to me; therefore, I try not to walk as much as I can. For example, I do not use the shared bathroom on this floor because it is too far away. I do it in my own room instead.”

Yu added, “The other way I protect myself from falling is to use a walker or crutch to support myself. When I stand up, I usually stand close to a wall in case I am unbalanced.”

Yu’s chronic illness is also a significant concern. “I have a heart issue. Although the social provider checks-in with me in the morning and in the evening, I’m helpless to ask for help at night. I know my heart disease will attack me sooner or later, so I am just waiting for the day when I am taken to heaven,” Yu said.

In contrast, Fai Chin, 92, doesn’t worry about his housing or health issues, although he is also a low-income senior living close to Chinatown. Chin is from Hong Kong and he came to the United States to reunite with his family. His adult children live in Bay Area, and relatives living in other states often visit him.

Chin’s housing is better than that of low-income elders, such as Yu. Chin has a big room, his own bathroom, and his family covers the cost of a 24-hour caregiver.

“I live alone because I do not want to bother my family. They have their own lives,” Chin stated. Safety is not an issue for him: “I have a walker to support myself, an elevator in this building and a great caregiver.”

However, Winston Tseng, a sociologist at the University of California, Berkeley, said losing balance and falling down is among the most common hazards for seniors of any income level.

“Many senior falls happen at home and, generally, when they are doing ordinary things like walking on stairs, getting up from bed, or going to the bathroom,” Tseng said.

He went on, “The best way to deal with any home safety threat is through prevention: Check homes for hazards that frequently cause slips, trips or falls and eliminate as many potentially trouble spots as possible.”

Examples are removing area rugs that can trip up shuffling feet, replacing tables with sharp corners or at least dulling the edges with rubber bumpers, and making sure baths or showers have grab bars.

Even Well Off Get Depressed

Even though Chin seems to be content with his living conditions and health, his biggest challenge may be loneliness and depression.

“Long life is not a good thing at all. I see my friends pass away one after another. I don’t have any friend to chat with, and making new friends is not easy at my age. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I have no solution for this problem,” Chin explained.

Hok Lee, a senior case manager at Self-Help for the Elderly, has been managing senior cases and providing elders services for three years. “Yu and Chin’s cases are actually better than many other low-income seniors,” she observed. “There are some who live in a small dirty room, cannot walk at all and have no ability to take care of themselves.”

He continued, “Many of them have trouble taking showers because they cannot figure out how to switch from the hot water switch to the cold. Many of them face difficulties on taking food because they cannot remember if they ate yet.”

Lee also noted that many social workers in her office face work with fearful elders too scared to see a doctor. “Many seniors reject seeing a doctor because many of their friends died in hospitals. Therefore, they believe hospitals are a horrible place,” she said.

Also, she worries about the fate of vulnerable, low-income seniors when the State of California cuts the budget for their programs. “The government is cutting the IHSS budget heavily, and many other low-income seniors’ services. I’m worried to see how those seniors can survive under these circumstances,” Lee said

http://newamericamedia.org/2012/05/chinatown-death-plunge-at-age-91-triggers-worries-about-isolated-elders.php

“Aging Alone in America” by Eric Klinenberg, Stacy Torres, and Elena Portacolone

The Council of Contemporary Families just published a briefing report on the new news, the good news and not so good news on aging alone in the U.S. I pasted the press release and the link to the report below:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE AGING ALONE IN AMERICA: CCF Briefing Report Offers New News, Good News, and Not So Good News In a new report to the Council on Contemporary Families for Older Americans Month, New York University researchers Eric Klinenberg, Stacy Torres, and Elena Portacolone report on the unprecedented movement of the elderly toward solo living.THE NEW NEWS One hundred years ago, 70 percent of widows and widowers moved in with their children; today, only 38 percent do so. In 1950, only 10 percent of all Americans over age 65 lived alone. Today, a full third of older Americans live alone, a figure that rises to 40 percent for those 85 and older. Contrary to conventional wisdom, this does not represent a decline in children’s loyalties to parents but a preference of older men and women. Almost 90 percent of older Americans say they want to remain in their own homes as they age, and falling poverty rates have made that choice more feasible for many. THE GOOD NEWS In the 1950s, 35 percent of older people lived in poverty. Since the 1980s, it has hovered between 10 and 12.5 percent. Disability rates for the elderly have been declining, and the active lifespan has increased. Older people who live alone are more likely than their married counterparts to socialize with friends and neighbors. THE BAD NEWS: IT VARIES BY RACE, ETHNICITY, AND GENDER Older women are less likely to be socially isolated than men. In fact, women over sixty who live alone report more happiness than married women the same age. But they are more likely to experience financial hardship than men, especially if they are minorities: 38 percent of black women and 41 percent of Hispanic women who live alone are poor. Older white men are more financially secure than any other group, but the suicide rate for white men over age 80 is six times the overall suicide rate and three times higher than that of same-aged African-American men. To learn more about aging alone, please read the full report, Aging Alone: A CCF Briefing Report. CLICK ON THE LINK ON THE LINE ABOVE TO READ THE FULL REPORT

Forever Dimitri

A few weeks ago a 77-year old former pharmacist living alone, Dimitri Christoulas, shot himself in a central square in Athens, Greece.

I want to give a “dignified end to my life,” he wrote in red ink, because austerity measures “annihilated all traces for my survival,” particularly his pension, I read in an article online. Killing himself in the early morning in a central square, nearby a tree, seemed an honorable way to die for him. He was ashamed to leave  his younger generations in debt.

We have to remember Dimitri’s death, as well as the suicides of other men living alone, we have to be vigilant. In what planet does dignity translate in killing yourself because you cannot survive financially? We have tons of reports stating that living alone in older age is very often a huge financial challenge. How many stories like Dimitri’s do we need to read until proper policies are created to support older solo dwellers across the world to live with dignity?  Dear Dimitri, I will remember you forever.

Jaws

 Have you ever been at a meeting where your jaws dropped for the excitement? My jaws dropped in the very heart of Manchester, in a high-ceiling room with stunning Gothic windows. I was with my great mentor, social gerontologist Chris Phillipson from Keele University, the man in the picture with me.

In that room I learned that an idea that I treasured is finally a reality. Last Thursday March 29 around 30 people, city and foundation officials and a few academics met to discuss the development of “Age Friendly Cities” in England. As Lisa Warth, an officer of the World Health Organization (WHO), explained, Age Friendly City and Community is an initiative of the WHO. Thanks to this initiative, cities can commit to join the network of other cities that are already creating policies to make sure that older adults thrive in their community. It is a network of best practices endorsed by the international community.

The endorsement matters because it creates visibility and pressure among city players.

I can’t wait to share my learning with the San Francisco players!

If “Living Alone is the New Norm,” Then It Is Time for Change

Living solo is the first of the “ten ideas that are changing life,” reads the cover of The Time Magazine. Living alone is a platform for self-realization, freedom, and social engagement according to sociologist Klinenberg in The Time as well as in his superb new book Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. Klinenberg adds that  living alone is easier with robust welfare policies and among younger generations.

As we appreciate the genuine appeal of living alone, let’s not forget the struggles of living alone in countries with very limited and scattered public services such as the United States. These struggles emerge especially when we live alone in older age. As Klinenberg warns in Going Solo, “ “the ordinary challenges of growing old […] can become extraordinary hardships for someone who spends most of the time alone” (p.17).

Drawing from my  two-year ethnography of 47 adults 75+ living alone in San Francisco and from a good decade of studying aging in America, I further contend that living alone in older age in urban America can often become an UNSUSTAINABLE  ENTERPRISE constellated by UNNECESSARY  SUFFERING. The lack of social policies supporting the condition of living alone in older age makes the condition unsustainable. The absence of public coverage of long-term care, the limited number of public social workers and case managers, and the shortage of affordable housing hinder one’s ability to live alone.  If we add ageism, segregation by age, and the prevailing ideology that promotes self-reliance rather than interdependence, we start having an idea of how tough the “social experiment” of living solo gets the last years of our life.

It is time to leverage the public attention on GOING Solo to create social policies finally allowing Americans to successfully  STAY solo in older age. AMEN!

Going Solo: The Playlist

   Now, even a playlist for living alone! Klinenberg added it in the Amazon site of Going Solo. I am glad to find Morrissey and Tom Waits. The comments below each tune come from Klinenberg & Co.

Billy Idol, “Dancing with Myself”

Sometimes you really don’t need a partner, and this is among the brightest songs about the pleasure of being alone. Idol’s “Dancing with Myself” is a remix of a single that was originally performed by the group Generation X. What better way to get in the mood for going solo?

Rolling Stones, “Get Off of My Cloud”
”Got Off of My Cloud” was the “follow up” to the Rolling Stones’ mega-hit “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” which attracted more attention than anyone anticipated. The band’s discomfort with their sudden popularity blares out through their admonition: “Don’t hang around ’cause two’s a crowd/ On my cloud.” Nothing like being at the center of everything makes you need some time to yourself.

Beyonce, “All the Single Ladies” 
Beyonce can care less what you think, she don’t need no permission, and she’s still a little bitter about the ring thing. But “All The Single Ladies” brilliantly embodies the feminine swagger and bravado made in the 1960s by groups like The Chiffons and The Supremes. Don’t just be content with being single. Celebrate it. Get your hands up, up in the club.

Gloria Gaynor, “I Will Survive” 
If you’ve ever been to any party with a dance floor, you know how much this song means to people. Some call it the Gay anthem, but it’s also the theme song for countless women who’ve endured a tough separation, because Gaynor soulfully captures that exact moment after a break up when the attitude shifts from fear and despair to strength and independence.

Rufus Wainwright, “One Man Guy”
Growing up in a family of great musicians, Rufus Wainwright developed a total mastery of his instruments, and the lyrical ability to shed light on topics that are hard to discuss. Rufus’s father, Loudon Wainwright III, wrote “One Man Guy” and performed it for his 1986 album of the same name. Rufus’s adaptation is a visceral account of solitude: “I’m gonna bathe and shave/And dress myself and eat solo every night/Unplug the phone, sleep alone/Stay away and out of sight,” he sings. “These three cubic feet of bone and blood and meat are all I love and know/I’m a one man guy is me.”

The Vapors, “Turning Japanese” 
Speaking of visceral: The Vapors recorded this ode to self-love in 1980. “Turning Japanese” is a veiled reference to what happens to your face when you’re masturbating. Who can forget the refrain: “I’ve got your picture; I’ve got your picture; I’d like a million of you all round my cell; I want the doctor; To take your picture; So I can look at you from inside as well; You get me turning up; and turning down; And turning in; I’m turning round. I’m turning Japanese; I think I’m turning Japanese; I really think so.”

Jay Z, “99 Problems”
After Blue Ivy was born, Jay Z settled down into fatherhood and allegedly swore off ever using the B-word again. But before his Beyonce days, Jigga made one thing absolutely clear: He had a ton of things to deal with—getting pulled over, music critics slamming him, and radio stations not playing his songs. But girlfriends? Not among them.

Tom Waits, “Better Off Without a Wife”
Tom Waits has been married for 32 years now, but in the great 1975 album Nighthawks at the Diner, he toasted “to the bachelors and the Bowery Bums/And those who feel that they’re the only ones/Who are better off without a wife.” It’s a great testament to the urban underworld,and to Tom’s wild years.

Bob Marley, “No Woman, No Cry” 
Plenty of musicians have assured us that everything’s gonna be all right. But leave it to the one with the Jamaican attitude to really make us believe it. Marley applies his home country’s “No worries” philosophy to being alone and the result is one of the best feel-good songs ever.

Wilco, “Born Alone”
Jeff Tweedy may be a married father, but he’s one of our the great iconoclasts and individualists of our time, always doing his own thing his own way. In “Born Alone,” Tweedy pulled random words from Emily Dickinson’s poetry and set them next to writing from Whittier and other poets from the 1800s. He’s said that final lyric, “born alone, born to die alone” is dire, defiant, and triumphant, and that the song ends with a series of repeating chords that ascend and descend to give the sound “like it’s endlessly going deeper and deeper into the abyss.” Solo or not, we’ve all been there.

Patty Labelle and Michael McDonald, “On My Own” 
The #1 hit from LaBelle’s 1986 platinum album, “Winner in You,” this is a song about being alone, together. In the video, LaBelle and McDonald appear on separate coasts, in a split screen, and testify to the sweet sorrow of being solo after love ends. “I’ve got to find out what was mine again/My heart is saying that it’s my time again/And I have faith that I will shine again/I have faith in me/On my own.”

Morrissey, “I’m OK By Myself”
Where would a list about being alone be without Morrissey? But “I’m OK By Myself” is much less on the sad-sap end of Morrissey’s discography and far more proudly independent. He wants the person who left him to know this: He doesn’t need you. And he hopes that fact makes you throw up in your bed.

Jamie O’Neal, “All by Myself”
Possibly the most famous song to listen to while staring out a rainy window with a single tear drop on your cheek. Many musicians have tried but none of captured the true pain of isolation like O’Neal.

Jimi Hendrix, “Stone Free”
In the tradition of wandering bluesmen and free spirits everywhere, Hendrix celebrates his independence and warns women against even trying to tie him down. “Listen to me baby, you can’t hold me down…Stone free, do what I please/Stone free to ride the breeze/Stone free I can’t stay/Got to got to got to get away.” Has anyone else so perfectly captured the sentiments of men who won’t commit?

Jason DeRulo, “Ridin’ Solo” 
The companion piece to Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies, DeRulo says he’s sorry things didn’t work out, but he’s ready to move on because the pain is gone. “Better days are gonna get better,” he sings. “I’m feelin’ like a star, you can’t stop my shine/I’m lovin’ cloud nine, my head’s in the sky/I’m solo, I’m ridin’ solo.”

–Eric Klinenberg (With contributions from Jennifer Lena, Dan Ozzi, and Ed Russ (DJ Jah Karma)

Less than $10,000

“57% of Americans living alone have less than $10,000 when they die” reads a report from a team of researchers from Harvard, MIT, and Dartmouth College. At the same time, the appeal of Going Solo is discussed in universities, bookshops, tv and radio channels thanks to the launch of Klinenberg’s book. It was a pleasure attending the presentation of the book in Berkeley and in San Francisco.

Is living alone in older age a conquest or a struggle? I would say both. I think it is useful to use the carrot of the appeal of this new “social experiment” of so many of us living alone to raise all the possible flags around the dark side of this living condition. Yes, the  dark side is not sexy. The study on the scarce financial resources of those dying with little means did not hit many headlines for instance.

My hope is that we do not forget the struggles of living alone in older age in America. During the presentation of the book, Klinenberg mentioned some of the struggles – cut in public services, isolation, solitary hoarding. He underlined, especially in Berkeley, that people are more likely to live alone more easily in countries with a strong welfare state, like in Sweden or France. Probably dying with little assets in a country with a strong public services is not as daunting than dying with little assets in a country with dwindling and hard to access public services.

 

ARTICLE:

About 57 percent of older people who live alone have less than $10,000 when they die, according to a recent study posted on the blog of the Financial Security Project at Boston College.

Much of the focus on retirement has been on how much Americans have accumulated as they enter retirement. But a team that included economists James Poterba at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Steven Venti at Dartmouth College, and David Wise at Harvard University looked at where retirees wind up financially.

Other findings: Of elderly people living alone, 57.1 percent had no home equity; nearly a third of elderly couples had less than $10,000.

Some retirees give away assets as a strategy to avoid estate taxes, but “a frightening share of the elderly seems to run out of money,’’ the post said.

http://bostonglobe.com/business/2012/02/28/many-lack-financial-assets-death/LvERCDZvxNg1Tlhdq8FTYP/story.html

Secret City

 Two blogs ago I criticized a journalist, Carl Hartman, once he wrote that living alone in older age was “necessarily” sadder than living alone in younger age.  He was reviewing Klinenberg’s Going Solo as an Associate Press correspondent.  His piece was published by USA Today and the San Francisco Chronicle.

To my surprise, Carl Hartman was a 95-year old man living alone, a widower since 2005. Hartman died last Sunday alone in his home in Washington – his body was discovered three days later by a friend. His only daughter lives in France. Hartman was a member of “the secret city of those who live and die alone,” to quote Klinenberg’s Heat Wave. When Hartman typed that living alone in older age was “necessarily” sadder than in younger age, perhaps he was thinking to himself.

Article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/longtime-associated-press-correspondent-carl-hartman-dies-at-95-reported-from-pre-eu-europe/2012/02/10/gIQAe0Fr4Q_story.html

E veramente cosi’ bello vivere da soli? Is it really so beatiful living solo?

The husband of a very close friend of mine just emailed me.

I start seeing the effects of the marketing campaign  for Going Solo among my closest friends once an article authored by Klinenberg appears in the New York Times. Another female friend is intrigued.

I reply to him: “it depends, sometimes yes, sometimes no…, dipende!”

For the NYT article:

…Ops! If you are old and live alone your story is “NECESSARILY” sadder than stories of younger generations

How so?  The sad story is to read a journalist who gives for granted that living alone in older age must always be sadder than in younger age.  In this case Carl Hartman, the reviewer of the ubiquitous Going Solo (it is all over the web and the media) in the San Francisco Chronicle.  The incriminated sentence reads “Klinenberg also collects interviews with older people who choose independent living rather than available alternatives as long as they can, though their stories are necessarily sadder than those of young people” (italics added by me).

 

For the article:

 

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2012/02/06/entertainment/e130434S45.DTL